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“A Father’s Cry of Faith”

Wilton Presbyterian Church

June 17, 2007

 

I know Mark must have been a father. I just know it. Matthew and Luke record the healing of the boy; but only Mark writes of the father…and his cry of faith. Because I believe Mark gets what it means to be a father before Jesus, before God.

 

“Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.” 

 

First, there is Jesus. What happens in this passage is precisely the kind of thing Peter had wanted to avoid. On the mountain of Transfiguration, in the presence of glory, Peter had said, “This is a good place for us to be.”  Then Peter wanted to build three booths for Jesus and Moses and Elijah, and to stay there. Life was so much better, so much nearer to God, there on the mountain top. Why ever come down again…except that life always leads us down from the mountaintop into the valley below? In fact, it is the sweet solitude on the mountaintop that makes us better, stronger to meet and cope with the demands of the valleys.

 

When a child is born, a father is born. A mother is born, too, but at least for her

it’s a more gradual process. She has nine months to get used to what’s happening; she becomes what’s happening. But for a father, birth happens all-of-a-sudden like. Even for the most prepared father, the birth of a child still comes as a whopping surprise. Whether in the delivery room itself or on the other side of the plate glass window, a nurse holds up  something roughly the size of a loaf of bread for him to see; and even as his heart leaps, his mouth falls quiet and his soul quivers before the sheer awe of this person, this human being, this part-of-himself-being born. It’s like seeing the creation not just of some one but of the whole world. It has his mark upon it. He has its mark upon him. And both marks are, for better or worse, indelible. Beyond the hospital, a father is still a spectator of mother and child together; but once weaned not just from mother’s breast milk, a father has this feeling that the child is becoming his, too--and more intensely than he ever conceived possible. And as if all-of-a-sudden like again, he realizes that, while becoming a father might have been a mountaintop, the notion of being a father was going to involve some valleys…real fast. And so fathers start—each in their own way—praying that they do no harm to this fledgling, that they don’t mess up their children, especially the way they frustrated their own fathers.

 

Jesus came down to a delicate situation. A father had brought his boy to the disciples. The boy had all the symptoms of epilepsy; and the disciples had been quite unable to either to calm the father or to cure the boy.

 

Then Jesus arrived. When the people saw him, they were astonished. Not by a lingering radiance of the transfiguration, but by their assumption that he was still up on the slopes of Mount Hermon, preparing, preparing himself for the journey to Jerusalem—and the sacrifice that lay ahead of him. The disciples and scribes had been so engrossed in their argument that they simply had not seen him come; and now, just when the moment was reaching its climax, there he was in the middle of them. It was at his sudden, unexpected, but oppportune arrival that they were surprised.

 

On Mount Hermon, he had reached his decision to stake his life in bringing about a saving, loving, believing relationship between human beings and God—and each other, too. And now he had come back down to find his nearest followers, his own chosen disciples, beaten and baffled and helpless and ineffective. That must have daunted even Jesus. Looking at the Twelve, he must have had a sudden realization of what anyone else would have called the risk of his task, wondering if ever these men of the world would become men of God.

 

All children—sons and daughters alike—are prodigals. That’s the way fathers

were as sons. And it’s no different for a father’s children, if they’re smart. Despite his temptations to run out on them first, a father knows that his children will run out on him if they are to survive; and if he’s smart, a father won’t put up too much of a fuss. A wise father sees all this coming. Whether they ever find their way home again, none can say for sure; and a father’s growing helplessness to protect his children along the way can be discouraging. Nonetheless, it’s the risk he must take with his children, if they’re ever to find their way and place in the world at all. In the meantime, the world carries a soft spot for lost children. Lost fathers have to fend for themselves.

 

“Bring the boy to me,” Jesus said. When we cannot see the forest for the fog, when we cannot see the big picture or deal with the big questions, the big issues, or the big show, when we cannot discern the future, one thing we can do is to deal with the present moment, with the person immediately before us.  It’s as if Jesus is saying, “I may not be able to change the world; but I can at this moment, help this boy. I cannot right now deal with the future, but I can attend to the present.”

 

Again and again, isn’t that a way to avoid throwing up our hands at the disappointments, failures, and losses we suffer? If a father sits for very long and thinks about the state of the larger world and the way and place of his children in it, it can be real easy to spiral down. So we get to work in our small corner of the world and take one moment in one child’s life at a time. As Emily Dickinson so well expresses:

If I can stop one life from breaking,

I shall not live in vain.

If can stop one heart the aching

 or cool one pain

Or help one fainting robin into his nest again,

I shall not live in vain.

One of the surest ways to avoid gloom and doom is to take what immediate actions we can—and there is always something positive, something good and glad to be done one person, one moment at a time.

 

Second, there is the father. At first, the father had come seeking for Jesus himself. Since Jesus was presumed to be on the mountaintop, he had had to deal with the junior varsity, and his experience of Jesus’ disciples was discouraging. His faith was badly shaken, so badly shaken that when he came to Jesus all be could blurt out at first was, ‘Have pity on us and help us.” Us, the father cried. Do not just pity my son. Pity me, too. Jesus responds to the father’s cry with a paradox, “All things are possible to him who believes.” The father responded with a paradox of his own: “I believe; help my unbelief!”

 

How often do we as parents—as fathers especially--experience that father’s cry of faith for his child…and for himself?

 

The phone rang at 11:30 PM recently. I was sound asleep; but the ring rousted me out of my torpor and out of bed. Someone calling this late at night? It’s  either someone in a crisis or emergency…or one of my nocturnal kids for whom life begins when the sun goes down.

 

It was my daughter, Elizabeth, who for some time had been seeking fresh fields in her practice of law. She had, just a few weeks before, decided to leave both D.C. and her large law firm for the Big Apple and much smaller and fresher practice. At the offer of her new work, she was on her mountaintop[ But she was calling late that night because she just turned in her ID badge and keys and closed the door for the last time on her career there and was heading home to begin packing up her stuff for the move to New York. And she was in tears, lots of them…missing the comfort of familiar places and people she had known for more than seven years and scared, too, of new places and new people she knew she would embrace and yet felt scared of. As her father, all I knew was how important a time this was in her life.Exciting professionally, and yet fragile emotionally. Her life was changing…and the pace of change was accelerating…fast. “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.” Not that she said those words. She didn’t. But I know she felt caught in that paradox of faith and doubt, of confidence and fear.  And even if she wasn’t feeling that paradox, I was as her father.

 

And then, after listening to her heart—and my own--for a number of minutes, I turned quickly to that fount of human compassion and wisdom…and handed the phone to her mother.

 

“Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.”

 

It’s been a little different with my two sons—a little, but not that much different. Even as a father lays down the law, he knows that someday his sons are going to break it as they need to break it if they’re ever going to find something better than law to replace it. Even as a father builds a home, he knows that his children will someday leave it and him and go into some far country to find their own place and their own person. Until and unless that happens, there’s no telling the scrapes they will get into trying to lose their father and find themselves. Terrible blunders will be made—sorrows and failures, hurts and losses of every kind. And they’ll keep making them ever after they’ve found themselves too, of course, because growing up is a process that goes on and on. And every hard knock his kids ever get into knocks the father even harder still (if that’s possible).

 

Both David and Stephen are aspiring. They are preparing. They are struggling. They are figuring out who to be and what to do. Stephen aspires to be actor. For David, everything is pretty up for grabs, which means he’s wrestling with what’s worth grabbing.

 

Originally, Stephen had said he would give acting three to five years; and if nothing materialized by then, well, he would move on. Well, those three to five years are somewhere close to being up; and he’s still pursuing his dream—chastened a bit by the tenuous,, volatile world of acting and the necessities of paying rent. But he’s still pursuing the dream. He believes he’s called—driven is more like it--to be an actor. He believes. But he also struggles with his doubts…and, when he falls down, he calls home.

 

“Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.”

 

Not that I feel particularly suited to answer Stephen’s questions (which I can’t) or to solve his problems (which I can’t either). The best I can do as a father (which frankly doesn’t feel like very much at all) is to encourage him to live into his questions and trust that, in time, the answers will discover him. Of course, that sounds nice and wise; but I can tell you it is this father’s destiny to hang up the phone more often than he will ever admit, questioning himself (What have I to give to my children?) and judging himself  (Where did I go wrong?). To be a father is to worry not only over his children, but over himself as their father. To be a father is, at one and the same time, to believe in his children and to doubt himself (or sometimes the other way around). I know this may  sound crazy. But, crazy or not, this is the way it is with fathers. And I guess that the best (and maybe the only) thing a father can do as a father is to not be surprised when his children feel as caught as he is in the paradox of belief and unbelief, of self-confidence and self-doubt, of bravado and insecurity.

 

David, too, is his own far country—in Los Angeles, as far away from his father as he can get—and still be in the continental US. And he’s also wrestling with a hunger for he’s not sure what. For right now, David’s “in transition.” That is, unemployed…and unsure. Personal insecurity and professional doubt come with the territory of unemployment for everyone. And it true as well for David. Deep down deep I suspect he struggles mightily with self-doubt and ambiguity about what lies ahead for him. As my son, I suspect he does. As his father, I know I do.

 

“Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.”

 

The cry of that father before Jesus for belief beyond his unbelief, for faith beyond his doubts, I think that is as honest and human as any father can ever aspire to. To pray and to hope as though we know for sure that there is really someone on the other side of the door who heals, who hears, who answers…who cares for his children as much as he does. And yet…and yet the issue is that, as fathers, we pray not because we are certain, but pray because we are uncertain. Father’s prayers are a risk where the risk itself is the outcome. But it’s a risk worth taking. It is a risk that a father simply cannot avoid taking for his children.

 

For after all a father says and does for his children, even after all he has said to and done for God (or so I believe), sooner or later his prayers yield to silence and he find the prayer of someone coming to him and finding him with tears in his eyes and lumps in his throat. Sooner or later, someone beyond all the friends, therapists, ministers and other fathers he talks to and asks help from, someone such as Jesus appears deep inside to him. And offers him a prayer in response to his cry of faith…a prayer that always helps, a prayer that never fails, a prayer that cries to the Father of all fathers and all children, “Thy will be done (for my children, please  Father) on earth as it is in heaven.”

 

 

This sermon is indebted, in part, to Frederick Buechner’s Whistling in the Dark.